Eclectic Muddlehood

That is my goal for this year– to practice the art of just being. It might not sound like much of a challenge to some people, but for a pregnant, sporadically type-A, somewhat obsessive, occasionally compulsive, self-employed birth professional and Gemini mother of a Libra two year old, this is asking quite a lot. I’ve been inspired by the latest off-beat book on motherhood I’m currently venturing through during naptimes and other spare quiet moments. Buddha Mom by Jacqueline Kramer, a Buddhist and a mom (go figure), encourages me to focus on staying connected with the present moment. A task I find daunting at best and completely overwhelming at worst. She gently points towards starting simply and just connecting with your breath. Everything else will follow, I am assured by her warm prose. So I’ve spent the first seven days of this new year trying to remember to breathe. Here’s how it’s gone so far.

DAY ONE: Two year old daughter tries to pick up four month old kitten for the umpteenth time, gets scratched across the lips for her trouble, screams. This is me breathing between healing kisses.

DAY TWO: Balance in washer breaks, spin cycle shakes the house so hard a kitchen cabinet comes loose off the wall downstairs, the one with all the plates of course. This is me breathing, slightly panicky as I turn off the washer and take the plates out of the cabinet just in case.

DAY THREE: Daughter is running a high temp, mother suggests it could be the dreaded cat scratch fever and recommends her usual mainstream medical treatment plan- dope the kid up. This is me breathing a huge sigh of frustration and hanging up the phone without unnecessarily medicating my child.

DAY FOUR: Doula client calls at 11:48pm because she’s experiencing pelvic pressure and can’t get comfy to sleep, but doesn’t think she’s contracting and wants me to tell her exactly what’s going on with her body. This is me patiently breathing as we discuss whether or not it could be labor for a half an hour before both going back to sleep.

DAY FIVE: Suddenly, irrationally gripped with panic that I am already four months pregnant and we have done nothing to prepare for this baby’s arrival yet. This is me breathing, well more like panting, as I work feverishly throughout the day to make progress on the office soon to be nursery.

DAY SIX: First prenatal yoga class of the session. This is me actually breathing in half moon pose no less! Very exciting!

DAY SEVEN: Started blog. This is me virtually breathing. How’m I doing so far?