A Lack of Mojo
Life is clipping along. I turned around the other day and discovered it was July. Not sure exactly how that happened, but it obviously did. We haven’t been up to anything earth-shattering so there’s sort of a general lack of blog fodder for me these days. I sat down the other day to finish up a post on my homeschooling blog about our plans for the 2009-2010 school year, but ended up getting side-tracked and completely lost my motivation to finish it. I’ve also been kicking around the idea of addressing the lack of part three of the twins’ birth story, but that one just hasn’t come together for me either. I want to write. I actually get a bit crabby if I go too long without some writing release. But it’s just not there for me right now. So I’m wondering how to rectify this low blogging mojo that is holding me up.
I can’t seem to sleep tonight. The kiddos are at the very tail end of a bout of flu and are still hanging on to a touch of cough. They’ve timed their coughing jags perfectly with the time it takes my body and brain to relax into oblivion after perking up to monitor the last unconscious coughing fit i heard from across the house. So I got up. Checked my email. Checked my Facebook feed. And ended up here. “Enough is enough,” I said to myself. Just type up something. Read at you own risk.
A friend gave me an intriguing book called Writing Motherhood for my birthday a couple of months ago. I’ve been reading bits and pieces of it the last few weeks. The author recommends putting a notebook in one’s purse and writing wherever you go. I put the notebook in my purse. At one point, I sat down to write something in it. Then the doorbell rang. I haven’t gotten back to it yet. She also recommends setting aside a time and space to write everyday. Hmm. I keep thinking that I should get up before the kids. In my mind, this early morning oasis of time allows me to share a cup of coffee with my husband before he leaves for work and then fit in writing, a workout and a shower all before the first child awakes, chanting “FEED ME!” It sounds heavenly in theory. Then my alarm goes off and I am yet again seduced by that sultry snooze button. I can’t seem to do it. (Of course, blogging at 1am may have something to do with that…) I could handle the most grotesque early mornings when I was ordered or ordering others to, but knowing I only have flip flops to slide my feet into and not combat boots makes it so much easier to roll over and go back to bed. Am I destined to always be a night owl? I’ve read many places that it takes about twenty-one days to make or break a habit. Could I commit to shunning the snooze button for three weeks? “Don’t knock it, till you’ve tried it.” I think to myself. But when that morning moment of truth arrives, who knows what will happen.
In a brilliant marketing move, our cable provider has given us access to a wad of movie channels for free this month and I’ve been catching up on my controversial films. Like Wall-E. Man, was that a sharp piece of social commentary or what? An almost hopelessly trashed planet? The entire human race obese, technology-obsessed consumers hell-bent on instant gratification? Is that the rock bottom we’re headed for? And what’s with the kiddie movies trying to make us think? I know I’m behind on this, but I don’t get out to the movies much. I also finally saw The Business of Being Born. I must be the last crunchy mama in the country to see this, but now I have and now I’m angry about America’s twisted birth culture all over again. I’ve experienced one unmedicated vaginal birth and one c-section. Why anyone would choose major abdominal surgery if they didn’t absolutely need it right before entering one of the most physically demanding times of your life while caring for a newborn completely escapes me. It is like deliberately breaking your leg right before competing in the Olympic Decathlon. I was also really struck by Dr. Odent’s words. What are we losing as a species by short cutting the natural hormonal process of birth and breastfeeding? The process of the release of love hormones. Can we survive without love?
As it is now 2am and the coughing seems to have abaited, I’m going to call it a night. It feels good to have gotten at least a little something posted. Even if it seriously lives up to the name of the blog itself. Sorry about that. Maybe the next few posts will be better quality. Maybe they’ll even have a 7am time stamp. Stranger things have happened.
The Business of Being Born sounds fascinating. And my kids and I really like Wall-E. I agree … the social commentary is right on.
Now I need to see Pregnant in America, which I’ve heard is very powerful. Although I’m sure it will just make me angry all over again at everything that is so messed up about how we treat birth in this “advanced” country of ours.
I’m always behind on my movies. Then I finally see them and want to talk about them and most folks look at me like “That was so last year!”
Kate, I’d give you a big hug right now if I could. I feel ya on the lack of mojo.
And I still haven’t written out my cesarean birth story. I really struggle with how to balance my love for that sweet little boy with all the anger and emotion surrounding how he came into the world.
Christy, I think I’m going to write about the fact that I can’t write about it. I think that’s what I need this year.
Well, you seem to be a word person, which I know I am. For me, anyway, writing about it– writing ANYTHING about it– is healing. Just getting what I can get out there, however off target or not what I was looking for it may seem, just heals me in huge ways. Maybe writing about not being able to write the story would open some doors for you, whether you ever write that actual part 3 or not.